Author: Lavrenty Gubin
Translator and editor: Bryn Windsor
Proof-editor: Tom Williams
It's hard to think of a life occasion - major or minor - that can't be celebrated with a toast or soothed with a commiserative drink. You've just been promoted? Great, let's drink to that. You've been dumped? Shame, let me buy you a drink to cheer you up. The sun is shining? That's pub garden weather! It's raining? Definitely time for a cosy glass of something somewhere warm. Office parties, catch-ups, quiz nights, holidays, birthdays, weddings, wakes, anniversaries - the list goes on.
Alcohol is so ubiquitous in the Western world that it's a miracle anyone gets anything done. Yet, all the while, the adverse consequences of alcohol consumption are no secret. Ask any self-respecting drinker - drunk, tipsy, or sober - and they'll undoubtedly be able to rattle off a long list of the harmful effects of drinking: liver damage, cardiovascular problems, impaired judgment, drunk driving, relationship issues, decreased productivity - not to mention the financial burden.
Everyone knows the harm alcohol inflicts, yet the seemingly miraculous effect it has on us makes even the most 'respectable' among us turn a blind eye to its perils. Lauded as a social glue, a relaxant apparently more powerful than any prescription drug, alcohol supposedly helps us say what we feel, forget our worries, and 'connect' more deeply with those around us. Lavrenty Gubin is a man who knows more than most about both the allure - but also the jeopardy - of alcohol. A recovered longs term alcoholic, Gubin's history with the bottle took him to some of the darkest places anyone could fear to be - on the edge of mental exhaustion, physical ruin, and family breakdown. Yet, leaning over the abyss, he managed to pull himself back. Now, fully sober for several years, he has become an authoritative voice on alcohol recovery across the CIS region.
In Personal Path to Freedom, Gubin shares the story of his journey to sobriety. He offers a step-by-step guide for those suffering from alcohol addiction and for their loved ones. His method is simple and avoids some of the cliches, jargon, and pseudoscience common to addiction literature. Critical to his approach is learning not how to give up alcohol but how to embrace an alcohol-free life. He stresses that the path to freedom is not through willpower, the ability to refrain or withhold, but rather through your capacity to revel in life and its opportunities, freed from the shackles of alcohol addiction.
Written with an uncanny and often brutal honesty, Gubin shares some of the uncomfortable truths that a recovering alcoholic is likely to face as they embark on their journey to sobriety. Several months into remission, a recovering alcoholic is likely to succumb to frequent headaches, bouts of loneliness, and critical self-inspection: "Am I more boring now that I don't drink?" Yet, they can also expect eye-opening and often overlooked benefits: losing weight without extra exercise, enhanced virility, and an astonishing capacity to absorb new information. "The true beauty of overcoming alcoholism is that an alcoholic, unlike most people, has a chance to totally rebuild ... they can grow into an entirely new version of themselves."
Intertwined with personal stories of Gubin's own rocky yet ultimately successful road to sobriety, his writing reveals a number of practical tips for the newly sober. Going to a party? Why not try drinking an energy drink? Sure, it's full of sugar, but "this tactic of 'camouflaging' yourself among drinkers is quite effective. As soon as they saw me drinking something they considered harmful - perhaps even more harmful than their own drinks - they seemed to forget about converting me to their side."
Over the past months, I have had the privilege of translating Gubin's work, and I am very glad to be able to bring this text to international readers. My sincere thanks to Irina Popova, who assisted with an early draft of this translation, and to Tom Williams for his help proofreading the final text. Above all, thanks to Lavrenty. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with the world and for reminding all those suffering from alcoholism that no one is born an alcoholic - you become one. Just as addiction is learned - with the right approach, time, and focus - it can be unlearned. And unencumbered, you can fully revel in the joys, hiccups, and surprises that everyday life brings.
Bryn Windsor
Translator and editor
Dear reader,
This book is intended for those who want to overcome alcoholism but don't know where to start. It's also for those who have loved ones suffering from alcoholism.
As I see it, there are two ways to read this book to get the result that works best for you:
Option 1: Read the book step-by-step, taking breaks where suggested, and resuming your reading after you have passed the respective periods of sobriety and gained the necessary experience. This option requires patience and , in my view, is the most effective - but I may be mistaken.
Option 2: Read the whole book without stopping. Then, afterwards, re-read it with pauses as described in Option 1. I expect many readers will be too inquisitive to read gradually, but I see Option 2 as less effective. You'll have to re-read the book when you actually embark on your alcohol-free journey, taking the necessary breaks in reading on your way to sobriety. During the early stages, you will not be able to fully comprehend some of the material without first gaining the relevant experience. Your body will just lack the resources required.
I know that you are scared.
If you suffer from alcohol abuse, physiological and psychological addiction, then you must be terrified because most likely, you know absolutely nothing about it. Ignorance breeds fear.
In this book, I explain the role of alcohol in the human body and the true causes of alcoholism, many of which modern science is (often inconsistently) only just starting to get to grips with.
I recount my experience and observations about alcoholism - a scourge I suffered from for over twenty years. I share my ideas on how to live an alcohol-free life, as well as a methodology for fostering a genuine desire to stay sober.
My principle is simple - first, you must get to the heart of what is really going on. Most of what modern physicians say is true. However, there are many factors that are virtually ignored, and this information is key for understanding the problem of alcohol addiction. When you are fully informed and understand what is actually happening to you, then you become a much better decision-maker. The better you understand the problem, the less scared and the more inclined to take action you will be. However, I should first tell you why I decided to write this book.
For over fifteen years, I worked as Head of Public Relations at a company operating a chain of casinos and slot halls. As part of my job, I dealt with gambling addiction every day and, more broadly, the whole phenomenon of addiction. Studying this topic, I came to the understanding that the most widespread and destructive form of addiction is alcoholism. Moreover, it is often the root cause of other addictions. Several years ago, I had to admit that I was myself a severe alcoholic and needed to take measures. Consequently, I delved as deep into the academic literature on alcoholism as I could. However, I found no cure that fit me, and so I had to invent one of my own. Eventually, I built a sober life. And now, since there are so many misconceptions about this grave pest and millions, or even billions, of people who suffer from it, I decided to put my findings down on paper and share them in the hope of helping others.
I started drinking spirits when I was about fifteen years old. I was a student at a prestigious school and had the corresponding social circle. We did not relish in the simple pleasures of more down-to-earth teenagers, such as sipping cheap beer in the park. We started with Soviet Champagne and other sparkling wines. It was romantic, elegant, and fun. I can still remember one time, on our way back from Nizhny Novgorod, when my best mate and I were almost late for our train, and we rushed to a nearby store to buy some sparkling wine for the journey. We had to run to catch the train and literally jumped into the last carriage as the train was setting off. We thought it was all incredibly daring - to risk missing the train to buy champagne!
Things only escalated from there, and soon vodka and other spirits became the norm. In my first year at university, I drank at every opportunity. We did not know what a hangover was back then. This is probably because, in fact, we didn't drink that much as it didn't take a lot for us to get tipsy. Also, we were young, and our bodies could handle it.
By the end of my first year, I had developed into a binge drinker. Yet, I still managed to study and even work, be it with pain and misery. By my third year at university, I started paying the price for my happy-go-lucky attitude. I lost my part-time job, and I was kicked out of university. And then my wife left me. Yes, yes, I even found the time to get married. But we didn't have any children.
Left alone with my lifestyle, I realised that my entire life would go down the pan unless I made some immediate changes. Surprisingly, I managed to put a stop to my irresponsible behaviour for quite a while. I cut down on drinking, found a good job and got re-enrolled at university. Later, once things straightened out, my alcohol addiction came back. My second wife, who was then a frequent drinker, liked to drink every night. We'd get plastered and sink into a deluge of drunken adventures, endless bickering, shouting matches, brawls, even suicide threats. We split before long.
My third wife, who does not drink anything stronger than beer, did not pay much attention to my propensity for drinking in our early days. But I was already a full-on alcoholic. My new job meant I relocated to a country where drinking is part of the cultural code. I drank as much as I could while, somehow or other, also working my way up the career ladder. Several years later, when my degradation became unavoidably obvious, my wife clocked on to the reality of my situation. But the only thing she could do was discreetly attempt to discuss it with me. Can you really explain to an alcoholic what booze does to them? I don't think you can - it's next to impossible. However, she loved me, and she still does. I must admit, her love did help me get out when I hit rock bottom.
Fortunately, I never became a beggar scrounging for another drink. Nor did I lose everything and become a castaway. On the contrary, I bought a flat and renovated it. I was promoted several times, and my social status and income went up. I was progressing and so was my fear. I was on the verge and had a lot to lose, both in social and spiritual terms. Besides, I realised that I was about to lose my mind, and that's more than just a metaphor to describe my situation - I really thought I was going insane.
By that time, I had admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic. This laid the basis for my intention to find a path to freedom. Talking with friends and relatives, when we were on the subject of booze, I did not have any problems acknowledging my addiction. I just said I would soon find a way to quit. Some were surprised that I spoke so calmly about it and, given there were almost no obvious physical signs, many thought I was exaggerating. Yet few knew how grave the issue really was.
First of all, you need to accept that you are an addict. The period between admitting I was an alcoholic and doing something about it lasted quite a while, maybe a year. During this time, I did some reading and spoke to all kinds of people who could perhaps help me find a path to freedom. Many recommended starting with 'acknowledging' the problem and 'opening your eyes' to the addiction.
You can hardly build a path to freedom if you do not know where you are going and, moreover, where you are now. Acknowledgement of your addiction is primary and key. People often acknowledge their addiction too late, when it becomes no longer possible to deny the obvious due to almost unremitting health or social markers. By that point, the brutal impact of alcohol may have caused so much damage that you have neither time nor strength to remedy the situation. The earlier you acknowledge your problem, the faster you will feel a change for the better.
Some psychotherapy programmes for alcohol addiction suggest alcoholics should not only acknowledge the fact of their addiction but also admit their helplessness in the face of it. I was surprised to learn that many people around the world think that alcoholism is incurable. They say that all an alcoholic can do is 'be in remission', if they are lucky for their whole life. It's clear to everyone that alcohol and drug addiction stems from a combination of physiological and psychological factors. To overcome psychological dependence the patient must be an active contributor to the treatment process, which means success hinges on the person's acknowledgement of their condition. However, if an alcoholic believes that their condition is fundamentally incurable, then acknowledging their addiction is extremely difficult - it's just too frightening. Thank God that in fact alcoholism is curable. There is nothing to fear.
Even if you think you're 'okay' and have not degenerated entirely, that you can still drink and sort yourself out later, beware of the 'last drop' doctrine. It's unpredictable, and you never know when it will hit you or how strong it will be. The 'last drop' can simultaneously blow up your health, social life, and marriage. Seven years ago, when I still didn't consider myself to be an addict (but I definitely was), my best friend and drinking buddy saw his life turn upside down after an acute pancreatic attack. He started a diet and quit alcohol for good; one more drop could have sent him to his grave. He was just over thirty, and no one could have seen it coming - everything happened in the blink of an eye, without warning. Nobody knows which drop will be there last.
When I later acknowledged my alcohol addiction, I remember even envying him. I would say, 'Lucky you, it literally hit you, and you had no choice but to quit drinking forever!' He didn't like it at all when I said that. How can you call someone lucky when their pancreas is on the verge of complete meltdown, risking sudden and painful death?
Believe me, I'm not here to scare you with harrowing examples of the bloodcurdling ramifications of alcohol. However, I will need examples, including bad ones, from my private life to support my reasoning. But you can hardly build a path to freedom when motivated solely by fear, so I don't want to frighten you. On the contrary, as I said at the beginning, I want to help you banish your fear.
No one has ever overcome alcoholism just through learning about the horrific consequences of heavy drinking. Yet there are many people who have overcome addiction once those horrific consequences have already started affecting them. We never believe bad things will happen to us, but when they do, people tend to learn best from their own experiences.
There are some astonishing exceptions. When my friend was in hospital, writhing in pain, he saw some people behave in a stupendously brainless and irresponsible manner. He told me about some patients recently dismissed from hospital after an acute pancreatic attack who would soon return in an even worse condition. The first thing they did after leaving the hospital was go and get a drink!
When you acknowledge your addiction, nothing will change on the outside - you will continue drinking, most likely as frequently as before. I wouldn't recommend trying to decrease your consumption at this stage as it won't get you anywhere. Instead, it is more important to simply increase your awareness of your addiction-related behaviour. Heading home after a hard day at work, you may well notice that you'd quite like a drink. You will notice your mind spinning around this desire. You will be thinking about the drink and hatching a plan. At this point, you should recognise your alcoholism. This is the key to the first door, as it were.
There is a lively debate among medical professionals and the general public about who should be considered an alcoholic and who is just a moderate drinker. After many years in the company of a bottle, I believe that any person who drinks alcohol regularly, be it daily, weekly, or even monthly, is an addict. If you drink regularly but still less than more clear-cut alcoholics, you have an addiction; it's just less explicit. Yet, it is an addiction nonetheless. It is, however, much easier to overcome than a heavy addiction.
Given you are reading this book, it's safe to assume you, or someone close to you, is severely addicted to alcohol. I'm not here to argue about the nuances of social drinking or the borderline between alcoholism and just having a quiet drink with friends to relieve stress. Moreover, let me tell you now - if you drink alcohol now and again but do not consider yourself addicted, please close the book and come back to it sometime later. If you cannot perceive how it is possible to go out with friends, party, or socialise without alcohol, then it's too early. There is little chance you'll be able to overcome your addiction at this point and it is unlikely that you will be able to appreciate what I have to say below. But if you are fed up with those fatuous parties and the incessant chattering, bickering, brawling, insincerity, loss, hustle and bustle, pain, fear, wanking, frenzy and lies, and you can only bear it all after you have drunk yourself senseless - admit it. And acknowledge that you are now going around in circles because you don't know a way out - this is addiction.
An alcoholic deceives the people around them constantly. But that's just the half of it. Much worse is that they are also deceiving themselves. Up to a certain point, an addict will keep persuading themselves and others that they don't have a problem and are in full control. Moreover, they will defend their addiction as something harmless but necessary. They will find plenty of reasons and excuses and will always justify themselves. If you tell someone who is under the influence of alcohol, especially if they are just a little tipsy, that they aren't quite themselves, or worse, that you don't like them in such a state, it's doubtful that they'll take any heed of what you say. You know perfectly well what their response will be. People are so trapped in their own heads that you will rarely find anyone who is fully aware of the world around them and able to accept the opinions of others.
The problem is exacerbated by unbalanced social conventions. Consuming alcohol, a potent poison that affects you like a drug, is legal and generally tolerable. An individual is usually declared an alcoholic only at a very late stage of their alcoholism. And subsequently, they are stigmatised. That's why any alcoholic whose condition is not yet severe and whose lifestyle remains 'socially acceptable' will deny their drinking issue for as long as possible, not admitting it to either themselves or others. They fear the stigma. At the same time, one can be labelled a drug addiсt after taking drugs just a couple of times.
Oddly enough, when you quit alcohol, the best thing you can tell others to explain why you are not drinking with them is to say plainly that you are an alcoholic. One day, after being nearly two months sober, I had to explain to someone why I couldn't drink with them. I found myself, for the first time, in the house of a wealthy businessman on a Monday morning. I was there to discuss some business matters and was later planning to go to work. It was about 11 in the morning, and he was drinking expensive cognac with a couple of colleagues. He invited me in and began insisting that I drink with them. To my great surprise, my excuses that I had to drive to the office that day and work and that our company had a zero-tolerance policy to alcohol during working hours leading to instant dismissal were of no effect. He said, 'No big deal, why not have one glass and be on your way'. He was so persistent that I had to pour myself a glass of cognac. I had to raise my glass to all kinds of toasts, just wetting my lips with the spirit without actually taking a sip. I didn't judge the man because I myself had drunk many times on Monday mornings. I'd call in sick to work, making up various excuses all the while knowing I just had a particularly unpleasant hangover. In him, I saw a kindred spirit, and I knew the only reason he was so insistent I drink was that he didn't want to seem like an alcoholic himself - which he obviously was. It so happened that a couple of weeks later, I had to go to his house again on a workday morning for business. He was drinking again and began insisting that I drink with him. I surprised myself when I said: 'You know, I've had serious drinking issues in the past and now I don't drink. I'm not allowed.' He was somehow taken aback and a bit embarrassed. He muffled some kind of a joke and stopped pressuring me. And I felt incredibly relieved, and my resolve to stay sober strengthened.
It's true what they say about how in life there is only truth and no lies. After all, in real life, truth exists whilst lies do not. When you are focused on the truth, you support, nourish, foster, and tailor your life. When you are focused on lies, you are always bending over backwards to think of new realities, excuses, kidding yourself that everything is okay. In fact, lies require a huge amount of creativity. It's much better to put your creative mind to something more productive.
