One step of a popular rehab programme for alcoholics requires the addict to admit complete defeat to their addiction and accept their powerless in the face of it. You can admit defeat as a joke, that's for sure. However, admitting one's powerlessness to alcohol addiction is dangerous.
An acute alcoholic, when lightly intoxicated or worse in the midst of a heavy drinking bout, is indeed virtually powerless in the face of their addiction. Often they can't cope with this situation. In extreme cases, the only saviour is forced detoxification and social isolation for 30 to 180 days.
A sober person is capable of making their own choices. They are far from powerless. If a sober person continues to drink, it is not a proof of powerlessness at all; it rather speaks to their ignorance, unreadiness, weakness, and, most importantly, lack of motivation.
But let's face it - many addicts do turn out to be effectively powerless and often can only rely on others. Maybe then, admitting one's powerless is the only salvation?
Have you ever heard of 'learned helplessness'? It is a concept which describes the state of an animal that, after being forced to bear aversive stimuli in the past, becomes unable or unwilling to avoid subsequent encounters with those stimuli, even if they are 'escapable.' This phenomenon was first illustrated by the American psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman in his experiments with dogs. He placed dogs in a cage and gave them a painful electric shock preceded by a loud bang. Initially, hearing the bang, the dogs made various attempts to escape the electric shock, but since this was impossible, they eventually just accepted their fate and didn't even try to resist. After hearing the sound, they simply lay down passively and whined as they were shocked. After some time, the cage was opened, and the sound was made, but the animals didn't leave the cage - they remained slumped on the floor in suffering. Later, another researcher, Donald S. Hiroto, confirmed, in a more humane manner, that people also succumb to learned. helplessness. Interestingly, more complex experiments proved that the dogs experiencing learned helplessness would only escape the cage if scientists physically picked them up and pointed their paws towards the exit as if teaching them how to walk. This had to be done at least twice before the dogs would wilfully leave the cage after the signal.
Learned helplessness summarises the psychology of a slave. This is what slavery is based on. Do you see the link here with alcohol addiction? This book is for those who are ready to act, despite painful moments in the past. I want to point your paws to the exit - but you will have to walk there yourself. Or, even better, run.
Imagine an expensive grand piano. If, say, you hit the keys once a month with a hammer, would it damage the instrument? This is the only analogy I can think of when it comes to civilised drinking. Let me tell you why.
The entire debate around civilised alcohol consumption comes down to something called endogenous alcohol. The argument goes that since a healthy body contains some quantity of ethanol, this substance must participate in metabolic processes and is, to an extent, natural for humans. In reality, ethanol can be found in only one part of a healthy person's body: the intestine, where alcohol is a by-product of mould fungi, an opportunistic pathogen. There have been cases where people with fungal infections in their intestines or other organs suffer chronic alcohol intoxication. I couldn't find any reliable research data that shows any other source of endogenous alcohol beyond these fungi. It is crucial to consider this if we want to understand what exactly is happening to a person under alcohol intoxication.
To neutralise the endogenous alcohol generated by pathogenic fungi, the liver produces the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase. A key question is exactly how much alcohol is produced in the intestine of a healthy person? The medical community is not united on this issue; the maximum value I have come across in my research is 10-15 grams of pure alcohol per day. However, more recent studies claim this is an overestimate, and may be a dozen or even a hundred times higher than the actual amount. It is claimed that our bodies can neutralise 1-10 grams of ethanol a day. This metric may be influenced by one's genetics, but, taking into account the metabolic processes of the intestine's own bacterial flora, it is nowhere near enough to neutralise even the most civilised alcohol consumption.
Even a minimal dose of alcohol, a shot of whiskey, or a glass of wine puts a lot of strain on the entire system. Because this amount of alcohol is comparable to what the body produces and processes naturally in one day. So, having one shot or one glass daily (which some say is more than reasonable after a hard day's work) causes significant unnecessary stress to the entire body.
Red wine is famous for its healing properties in regard to the cardiovascular system because it contains some essential microelements. My wife was anaemic when pregnant, and the doctor recommended she drink red wine. However, he did specify that the alcohol had to be evaporated from the wine using a water bath. Eventually, we instead opted for high-quality vitamin supplements.
These past few paragraphs are just chitchat for those who are yet to fall into the clutches of addiction. Alcoholics definitely shouldn't experiment. Alcoholics don't drink to enjoy the taste of alcohol or aid their cardiovascular systems. They do it to achieve an altered state of mind or escape the real world. Just one shot or glass would make no sense for them as it wouldn't give the desired effect. The desire of some alcoholics to return to a 'civilised' level of consumption is futile.
Research that claims a little alcohol every now and then is good for you is more often than not sponsored by drinks companies. For obvious reasons, they want to promote the idea of civilised consumption, implying only excessive consumption causes problems.
The most recent data from government-supported research centres shows that the damage caused by the alcohol in one glass of wine far outweighs the microelement and vitamin benefits it brings.
The life of a sober person is more colourful and, on the whole, better than that of an alcoholic. Yet I believe that many authors are too enthusiastic in describing the difference between the wretched existence of an addict and the wonderful life of a teetotaller. These writers are trying to encourage people to quit and, in my opinion, are only paving the way for inevitable relapses. The simple reality is that even years of sobriety often won't satisfy such high expectations. The world around you does not suddenly become splendid and radiant after giving up alcohol. You don't start automatically overflowing with energy. Of course, you'll feel much better physically and emotionally, but life is still no paradise. Many authors proclaim that "your problems won't go away, but it will be much easier for you to overcome them when sober."
None of them are right. In reality, being sober, you will only have more problems because, absorbed in your addiction, you were distracted from certain issues and would turn a blind eye to them intentionally. It's true - you will have more energy. But not to the extent that you will feel elated all the time. That's unless you learn how to generate this energy, savour it and use it constructively. You may start having health issues which your body had ignored before as all its resources were busy detoxifying you and dealing with the issues provoked by your alcoholism.
After a couple of months of being sober, I realised I would often get a nasty headache in the mornings and feel fatigued. This would get better after breakfast and usually clear up by lunchtime but could reappear in the afternoon. Also, after eating something sweet, I'd often get pains on the left side of my chest, just under my ribcage. I began thinking that sugar might be the reason; I used to consume quite a lot of it, including in drinks such as tea and fruit juices. I decided to cut down on sugar, and so, when my wife offered me some fruit juice at dinner, I refused. She noticed that I had a glass of still water on the table instead of a sweet drink. "Are you into healthy eating now?" she asked. I told her that this was the natural next step. When you are an alcoholic , and you wake up in the morning, you experience one of two states. You either do not feel anything, or you feel hungover. Not having a hangover is already a win, so much so that you don't care about anything else happening in your body. On the other hand, if you do have a hangover, well, you know the score. However, after you're no longer an alcoholic and you wake up feeling rough, you know there must be a reason for this. And naturally, you want to do something about it, by changing your diet, for example. This is normal; of course, everyone wants to feel good when they wake up in the morning.
We know that slipping into alcoholism is a slow, often imperceptible, process. Recovering from alcoholism is the same - it takes time. The negative effects of alcohol addiction and the positive effects of sobriety change with time. The harmful impact of consistent alcohol consumption initially develops slowly but then speeds up. Inversely, when you quit, you get positive results quickly, but sustained progress comes more slowly. However, I can say one thing with certainty - with every day, week, month of sobriety, you are restoring your natural healthy balance.
Giving up alcohol does not bestow you with a new supercharged, healthy body; it simply helps you return your body to its normal condition. The problem is that your alcoholism was most likely the result of a desire to escape this normal condition as you felt uncomfortable in it. However, given you are reading this book, you must have realised alcohol intoxication doesn't give you any comfort either. If you initially acquired some kind of pleasure from alcohol, this has likely not lasted, and that pleasure has long turned into ever more discomfort and negativity.
So, do not be under any illusions. Going sober, you will first experience a few pleasant moments, but inevitably you will face the reality you have been trying to escape. And we'll work on that, too.
The destructive behaviour of an alcoholic affects not only their own body and life but also the lives of those around them, primarily their partners and children. The most typical situation is an alcoholic husband alongside his long-suffering wife and children. Often, the wife exhausts herself in a desperate effort to save her husband and family, searching for ways to pull her husband out of alcoholism. The wife will seek out first conventional, then unconventional, sometimes even supernatural methods to save her husband, but neither typically provides lasting results. After a short period of sobriety, the alcoholic relapses, often leading to even heavier bouts of drinking. No amount of implants, detoxes, therapies, rituals, herbs, or magical ceremonies will make a person sober unless they commit to a genuine journey toward a sober lifestyle and embrace it as their new reality.
There are no shortcuts to overcoming addiction. I must stress this: quick-fixes to alcoholism do not exist! Just as a tree cannot regrow overnight, the recovery process cannot be rushed, no matter all the fast-track methods you may read about elsewhere. Do not waste time or energy on miraculous instant remedies they often worsen the situation.
Psychologists have written extensively about a phenomenon called codependency, where the family of an alcoholic will engage in symbiotic behaviour. Each family member assumes a specific role in a repetitive cycle, and unless one member breaks the cycle, the situation continues to deteriorate.
Can you help an alcoholic overcome their addiction? Many modern psychotherapists say that it is impossible unless the addict exhibits genuine desire and willpower toquit. It is hard to disagree with this position because no one can make a choice on behalf of another. But if the addict is someone you love and sincerely want to help, what are your options? Do you give up and leave them to their fate, or do you stay and watch them destroy themselves and their family, set a poor example for their children, or even endanger the well-being of those around them? The answer lies in starting with yourself.
A typical family of an alcoholic often consists of a drinking husband, who consumes far more than socially acceptable, and a 'non-drinking' wife, who occasionally drinks on weekends or special occasions. Absolute teetotalers living with alcoholics are rare exceptions. As a result, the alcoholic becomes the weakest family member, shouldering the blame not only for their personal problems but also the family's broader problems. The alcoholic is seen as squandering money, causing conflicts, and disrupting the peace. Arguments, reproaches, pleas, and prayers fail to bring clarity to the alcoholic, and the tension only fuels further drinking.
While the alcoholic is told that quitting drinking immediately is the only solution, their partner might host family events, serve alcohol to guests, and drink themselves - albeit 'in moderation'. How can you help a loved one overcome their addiction if you are also consuming alcohol, even occasionally?
I only see one solution: someone must take the first step toward sobriety. If your loved one drinks so excessively that it becomes your problem too, the only way forward is to lead by example. Begin by completely renouncing alcohol and embracing total sobriety yourself. Free yourself from dependency first, and your family may have a chance.
For a 'social drinker' with an alcoholic partner, following the path set out in this book is much easier than for someone with severe alcoholism. A partner can experience firsthand the challenges of the journey and then demonstrate it to their loved one. How can you criticise an alcoholic for drinking when you yourself do the same, even rarely? Become a sober person, as described here, and then offer help to others.
When you achieve sobriety, you will gain more mental and physical strength, enabling you to improve various aspects of life, including family relationships. Your full sobriety will lead you to see things differently, defend your interests more effectively, and act more definitively. This might inspire your spouse to follow suit, as your example will no longer provoke or trigger their drinking habits. Moreover, you will become calmer, wiser, and more capable of advocating for your family's interests.
If it becomes evident that your spouse is unwilling to change, you might find your paths diverging - but by then, you will have the confidence not to fear this outcome.
For an alcoholic, the real possibility of losing their family is often one of the strongest motivators to pursue sobriety. It was my wife's determination to leave me that made me seek help. Endless tolerance of an alcoholic's behaviour, combined with occasional drinking yourself, contributes to the addiction and makes you an enabler. If you have children with your alcoholic partner, you risk raising children as potential alcoholics or emotionally-scarred individuals. Holding out hope for a miraculous change is like gambling your family's future on a lottery ticket.
If your spouse is an alcoholic and you occasionally drink, you try embarking on your own 'Personal Path to Freedom.' Then, give this book to your partner and extend a helping hand. But first, complete the journey yourself. If this does not work, you will face a difficult but necessary choice: live a full life or sink with them. The second option may be acceptable if you don't have any children, but otherwise, it is a grave mistake.
When helping a loved one, act delicately. Criticism, ultimatums, and condemnation only worsen the situation. An alcoholic is often incapable of perceiving reality or advice objectively, especially when unsolicited. Change can only come through example, not pressure. Ideally, wait for them to seek your help or guidance.
One common mistake of newly sober individuals is growing arrogance or a sense of superiority over those still struggling with addiction. Such attitudes are harmful and discourage others from seeking sobriety. Always remember your own struggles and approach others with understanding and compassion.
If you are the partner of an alcoholic and decide to follow the 'Personal Path to Freedom,' adhere to its principles as if you are the alcoholic. Avoid judgment of yourself, others, or your spouse. Either act or observe, and proceed from there.
If you are already completely sober but living with an alcoholic, I cannot offer help, except to suggest giving this book to your partner in the hope that they read it and choose the path to freedom.
End of the introductory part.
You can continue reading by purchasing the book.
© Lavrenty Gubin, 2025
